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A New Start

Ha. I want to laugh...how many of these new starts, beginnings, or whatever posts have I had over these past few years? It's really quite sad...but we have such an ever patient Father that I have the confidence in saying that I can and will keep going this time, and not fall short and away time and time again.

I've decided to try to read the entire Bible again. And I think I know how I'm going to change it this time. For the past couple of years, I always thought that writing things down and keeping it on record was the best way to do devotions. But then, that usually got me less motivated because it did require extra "work". And I think, if there was really some remarkable revelation that I wanted to make sure I'd remember...well, if it is something that is revolutionary and God wants me to remember it, then I will. I will still make occasional posts on certain things but by no means will I try to do what I did on this blog in particular...which was write about everything that I read. At that point they just turned into Bible study lessons and I eventually got tired of thinking that way. Sure, they made me reflect on my life, but I always wrote them with other people in mind too. And my devotions really need to be time that is spent with God alone, without thought of what others will get out of it or how others will learn from what I learn. But just purely, what is God saying to me now through His word.

So, I'm not going to start from any particular beginning like Genesis or Matthews. Because I've already read Genesis through Exodus, and Matthews through Romans, I think I want to start somewhere new. I've decided on 1st Corinthians and then seeing where it goes from there. And from there, I'm just going to read, and meditate, and pray. No writing. No distractions.

These past two months with looking for a job has really opened my eyes as to how far I've fallen in terms of trusting in God. For everything that I've applied to, I tried to depend on my own strength and abilities. But each time, God shut that door. Now with the prospect of Blacks Photography, it really does look like God's hand is moving in this. So with that observance, I'm just going to not worry about it, and trust that whatever happens is God's will. I know this is a test of faith. Of trust. Of breaking down my own pride...so, I want to be able to pass this. Even if I don't get that job, I know that it is because God doesn't want me there. Maybe he wants me to focus on other things instead of making money. Maybe when I finally fully rely and trust in him for a job, he will grant that. But it doesn't matter what the maybes are. All I know that I have to do right now, is to trust in Him. To not worry, to not be afraid, to not try to take control, but to give it completely to Him.



March 2007

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